On the superiority of the past over the future. How memories shape our lives

Have you ever wondered why uncomfortable memories from the past resurface at the most inconvenient moments – such as when you’re starting a new relationship, working on a groundbreaking project, or setting out to make your dreams a reality? What purpose do thoughts about an ex’s infidelity serve when you’ve moved on and are with someone who has given you absolutely no reason – through word or deed – to suspect them of similar tendencies?

The Brain’s Motivational Triad: Why Do We Cling to the Past?

Your brain is most at ease with the familiar. According to the Brain’s Motivational Triad, the primal part of our brain responsible for safety seeks out what is known, secure, and efficient. Simply put, it dislikes change; it prefers to remain in a state of “shitty but STABLE”, viewing any idea to do things differently as the height of madness.

The future is dynamic and unknown. Every new project – whether in your personal or professional life – brings with it a host of questions, risks, and doubts; it can spark excitement, but it can also trigger fear.

You cannot know for sure if it is safe to step onto unfamiliar ground. There is nothing “efficient” about a new beginning when the outcome of your actions remains uncertain. You may believe in your mission and do everything in your power to succeed – sure – but whether you actually *will* succeed is something you only discover later. Where, then, is the best place to seek refuge? In the past – no matter how unpleasant it may have been.

The past is safe; it can no longer take you by surprise. You have been there, and you know what you went through, what you thought, and the emotions you felt at the time. These may often be unpleasant waypoints in our memory, but in moments of intense fear of change, that is where we feel most at ease.

The boss who once fired you won’t do it a second time; the ex-partner who abused you will never lay a hand on you again; the caregiver who criticized you in childhood can no longer say a bad word about your new hobby… BUT keep this in mind when you consider starting a new job, getting involved with another man, or signing up for a painting class.

The past shapes the present

THE PAST IS. I want you to realize this. You have already been there, you did as much as you could at the time, and now you cannot change anything about it. Don’t try to analyze or judge it – what for?

It is your past that has made you who you are today. After all, were it not for a series of earlier events, you might be in a different place right now.

Do not fear it; the past is behind you, yet it is precisely what made you the person you are today. Acceptance of and gratitude for what happened help you appreciate your journey and shape a better future.

Are memories allies or enemies?

Memories won’t disappear, but you decide what role they play in your life.

MEMORIES EXIST. You cannot simply wish them away – but why would you want to? It is like telling yourself: “You must not think about three brown bears.” After all, the harder you try not to think about them, the more you do. Don’t focus your attention there; what is the point?

The present as a bridge between the past and the future

Now is the time for the future. It is time for that wonderful dynamic between every moment – a moment that, in a split second, travels from your future into the present, only to immediately join the past. The sentence I am writing right now belongs to your present as you read it, yet to my past, because I have already written it. Everything you do, think, and feel today will soon join the memories of the past – the recent past, perhaps, but the past nonetheless.

Every moment is a dynamic journey from the future to the present, and then to the past. What you are doing now will soon become a memory. That is why it is worth focusing on creating a better future – one that will serve as the foundation for your “Here and Now.”

Memories as Good Teachers

When difficult memories resurface – perhaps because a part of your internal system got a little spooked by your amazing ideas – ask yourself: “What can I take from this right now? How can this help me realize my dreams and goals at this moment? What purpose do these memories serve for me right now?”

Go looking for the answer. Grab a pen and paper and find at least one positive aspect to the fact that you are thinking about this now. It could be something small – like simply recalling a past hardship so you can appreciate what you have today even more. Tell yourself: “Thank you for the reminder; I appreciate it,” and then place it back on the shelf of memories.

The past simply *is*. It has already happened; nothing can change or undo it. Now, it is up to you to decide what you will take from that experience.

And let it be something good!

Soul Family Coaching –> Check out our full offer and updated pricing! <– Twin Flame